Being in the Disturbance Business

Or ‘Stunned by your words I have to Act’. Meaning the salt has got spilled, and the chili sauce has dribbled (The Manifesto No 5). It lies in a viscous brown-reddish blob.

Is this the beginning of the creation a new man? A hero who emerges out of a puddle of feminine fluids? She – a Mezzo, deep, dark and unsettling. And he – politicized in the after-birth and lying across the transversal position.

Let me say, about not writing at all here for the past six months I have been obscured . All right, I’ll cough up and add there’d been a loss of self-view, and, in the stated task of ‘trying to make sense of what it is to be human’, I had become invisible to myself. Decentering, I was outside my own field of vision, and doubled up, between you and me, moral irony no longer sufficed.

Although it hasn’t stopped being funny. So for instance, going to the Frank Auerbach exhibition on Saturday I started being disturbed by optical flashes. As during the onset of a migraine, brightly coloured diagonals, stars, wavy lines and other enoptic shapes began to form. Then from time to time people and things jumped out at me: a face I recognised, a flight of stairs, building cranes, an eye asleep, and so on. And then as suddenly they disappeared again. Funny, but like I say, also unsettling. Dangerous too. So that now, being connected, you or I can no longer claim the benign status of simply being a visitor on the streets of her Neighbourhood, and, rippling out, even being in the Benevolence Business provides no protection any more.


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